Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
