I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
