I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
