I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
