FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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