you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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