Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
