i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
