She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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