She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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