Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
