how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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