Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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