Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
