just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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