Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
