would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
