i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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