Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
