My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
