my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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