Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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