I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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