Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
