I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
