I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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