Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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