yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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