if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
