Your tits are I can't wait for
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My life is pants optional.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
