what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The Olympian is in my bed
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
