i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
