if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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