Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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