Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
