Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
