she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
