Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
