apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Sext me about skeletons
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
