he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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