just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
