Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
