decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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