i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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