I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
