When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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