Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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