Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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