is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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