my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
